I don't believe in God.
I don't believe in signs.
I don't believe in fate or karma or dogma or everything happening for a reason.
I don't believe in our political system.
I do believe that you make your own destiny. You can control everything simply by how you choose to act and react in life. Reactions are vulnerable to faulty human emotions. It's impossible at the best of times to not get caught up in the moment. But if you get good, really good, you can train yourself just like any other domesticated animal to react the way you want not the way you feel you should.
I believe in me. And that's all that really matters now, isn't it?
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Monday, March 18, 2013
Words on the internets, or something like that.
I wonder if I'll ever get better at this. You know, come here, unleash all the words, hit publish, repeat. I promise nothing. Especially to myself. And if that's not saying something...
I don't have to be here, he said. I'm not here because I need to be, I'm not your baby daddy. I'm here because I want to be here with you and if you don't want that let me know.
Maybe, some would find themselves offended. Put off? My immediate reaction is what the fuck? But then it settles in and I let his words roll around in my head and I realize I appreciate this. At the very core of who I am, I know this and I like it. If you need me too much, I don't like you. I like a safe amount of un-neediness. I have a small child. I don't want a stage five clinger either.
I believe that people should discuss things that are more real. Without being afraid of being attacked or offending people. I'm offended at least twenty times a day and I let it roll down my back like a salty bead of sweat from a quick run around the lake. I have to. It's the only way to live and to keep living and growing. I don't think that people realize that if you make a baby, like a human to be around you forever and ever, really means that you feel like something is missing. Whether you want to admit it or not or your someone that's all, hey we are so in love but it just felt like something was missing. Yea, you know it. I mean, by all means, deny it, sweetheart. But deep down in the depths of your smart little mind you know it to be true.
I hope to learn a lot from myself by being amother woman in today's world. I feel like I could learn a lot more by jumping out of my own mind and putting words to paper. Or the internets, you know.
I don't have to be here, he said. I'm not here because I need to be, I'm not your baby daddy. I'm here because I want to be here with you and if you don't want that let me know.
Maybe, some would find themselves offended. Put off? My immediate reaction is what the fuck? But then it settles in and I let his words roll around in my head and I realize I appreciate this. At the very core of who I am, I know this and I like it. If you need me too much, I don't like you. I like a safe amount of un-neediness. I have a small child. I don't want a stage five clinger either.
I believe that people should discuss things that are more real. Without being afraid of being attacked or offending people. I'm offended at least twenty times a day and I let it roll down my back like a salty bead of sweat from a quick run around the lake. I have to. It's the only way to live and to keep living and growing. I don't think that people realize that if you make a baby, like a human to be around you forever and ever, really means that you feel like something is missing. Whether you want to admit it or not or your someone that's all, hey we are so in love but it just felt like something was missing. Yea, you know it. I mean, by all means, deny it, sweetheart. But deep down in the depths of your smart little mind you know it to be true.
I hope to learn a lot from myself by being a
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
The One With All the Mom Things
In motherhood, watching your child is like watching a direct reflection of yourself. And sometimes (a lot) it's just plain ugly. I learn more about myself through my child these days and honestly it's like a glass of cold water straight to the face.
You know when you see a screaming child? You know the one. With nothing wrong, not hungry, not thirsty, clean diaper or pull up, no boo boos. Just screaming. And then there is the parent that's all "I don't know why she acts like this!" I hate that parent. I am also that parent. BECAUSE we are the reason our toddler is lying on the grocery store floor yelling "NO HOLD HAND MOMMY! NO HOLD HAAAAAAAAAND!" I mean, Hello! Where do you think they learned this behavior? Could it be they've witnessed it before? Like when we've had a bad day as moms and we're all bitchy and snappy and whiny and at the end of our fucking rope and"Just stop touching EVERYTHING DAMMIT!" or "Give that to me NOW!" And then two days later you have a sassy little human all "Give it to me NOW, MOM-EEEE!" over her cup or "Dammit." after she poops in her pull up 5 seconds after you've changed her.
It's in these moments I want to step out of myself and then shake myself and say "WOMAN! She did not learn these things at school. Or on the TV. Or at her dad's. Okay maybe a little at her dad's but still, WOMAN! Take a look at what you're saying and what you're doing. Have you not realized yet that your kid is just doing what she sees you do?" I think sometimes we forget just how impressionable our children are. And how they're emotional outbursts are a direct reflection of what they've seen the adults in their life react to different situations. I for one am awful at hiding my emotions, I am also equally as awful at my communication skills. I forget my two year old does not understand my hand signals or that me asking her eleventy billion times to do something is really fucking irritating to me. She doesn't understand that mommy is stressed or sad or tired or sick. And she shouldn't really have to.
I truly believe that parents want to raise their littles to become polite, sweet, smart, happy people who will grow to become successful and productive humans who don't poop in their pants anymore. So, the next time we demand something from our kid's little hands "right NOW!" or we slam a door because we're pissed off or burst into tears because it's been a really long day and I just want to go to bed and forget it all already, remember our goal, remember the sweet little faces of our kids and stick a "please" at the end of that "right now" or take a deep breath and remind yourself nothing could possibly be that bad to display negative actions or emotions in front of your kid.
Also, cherish all the adorable things your kids do because of things they've seen you do. I mean come on, we can't be doing it all wrong all the time. Right? Right. Like when I'm all bitchy and pissed off and my little one looks at me and gives me the biggest sweetest smile and then gives me a "BIG HUG!" I know she's learned that from me too.
You know when you see a screaming child? You know the one. With nothing wrong, not hungry, not thirsty, clean diaper or pull up, no boo boos. Just screaming. And then there is the parent that's all "I don't know why she acts like this!" I hate that parent. I am also that parent. BECAUSE we are the reason our toddler is lying on the grocery store floor yelling "NO HOLD HAND MOMMY! NO HOLD HAAAAAAAAAND!" I mean, Hello! Where do you think they learned this behavior? Could it be they've witnessed it before? Like when we've had a bad day as moms and we're all bitchy and snappy and whiny and at the end of our fucking rope and"Just stop touching EVERYTHING DAMMIT!" or "Give that to me NOW!" And then two days later you have a sassy little human all "Give it to me NOW, MOM-EEEE!" over her cup or "Dammit." after she poops in her pull up 5 seconds after you've changed her.
It's in these moments I want to step out of myself and then shake myself and say "WOMAN! She did not learn these things at school. Or on the TV. Or at her dad's. Okay maybe a little at her dad's but still, WOMAN! Take a look at what you're saying and what you're doing. Have you not realized yet that your kid is just doing what she sees you do?" I think sometimes we forget just how impressionable our children are. And how they're emotional outbursts are a direct reflection of what they've seen the adults in their life react to different situations. I for one am awful at hiding my emotions, I am also equally as awful at my communication skills. I forget my two year old does not understand my hand signals or that me asking her eleventy billion times to do something is really fucking irritating to me. She doesn't understand that mommy is stressed or sad or tired or sick. And she shouldn't really have to.
I truly believe that parents want to raise their littles to become polite, sweet, smart, happy people who will grow to become successful and productive humans who don't poop in their pants anymore. So, the next time we demand something from our kid's little hands "right NOW!" or we slam a door because we're pissed off or burst into tears because it's been a really long day and I just want to go to bed and forget it all already, remember our goal, remember the sweet little faces of our kids and stick a "please" at the end of that "right now" or take a deep breath and remind yourself nothing could possibly be that bad to display negative actions or emotions in front of your kid.
Also, cherish all the adorable things your kids do because of things they've seen you do. I mean come on, we can't be doing it all wrong all the time. Right? Right. Like when I'm all bitchy and pissed off and my little one looks at me and gives me the biggest sweetest smile and then gives me a "BIG HUG!" I know she's learned that from me too.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)