Words on the internets, or something like that.

I wonder if I'll ever get better at this. You know, come here, unleash all the words, hit publish, repeat. I promise nothing. Especially to myself. And if that's not saying something...

I don't have to be here, he said. I'm not here because I need to be, I'm not your baby daddy. I'm here because I want to be here with you and if you don't want that let me know.

Maybe, some would find themselves offended. Put off? My immediate reaction is what the fuck? But then it settles in and I let his words roll around in my head and I realize I appreciate this. At the very core of who I am, I know this and I like it. If you need me too much, I don't like you. I like a safe amount of un-neediness. I have a small child. I don't want a stage five clinger either.

I believe that people should discuss things that are more real. Without being afraid of being attacked or offending people. I'm offended at least twenty times a day and I let it roll down my back like a salty bead of sweat from a quick run around the lake. I have to. It's the only way to live and to keep living and growing. I don't think that people realize that if you make a baby, like a human to be around you forever and ever, really means that you feel like something is missing. Whether you want to admit it or not or your someone that's all, hey we are so in love but it just felt like something was missing. Yea, you know it. I mean, by all means, deny it, sweetheart. But deep down in the depths of your smart little mind you know it to be true.

I hope to learn a lot from myself by being a mother woman in today's world. I feel like I could learn a lot more by jumping out of my own mind and putting words to paper. Or the internets, you know.